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Life and it’s developments

By Diana Neff | Published: August 24, 2010

This is a continued conversation with a young woman who has come up to a point most of us older women have faced.  We didn’t want to miss the right opportunity and we were afraid of being alone down the road.  Most of this fear is due to the background noise we were subjected to all our lives.  I mean the comments about “old maids” and the feeling of inadequacy if no one “wants” us.  We were not raised to be independent and now look to make our lives worthwhile by serving others.  Some people are built that way anyway, I know I am, but society surely has dug a bed for us to lie in too.  I am happy to see that this course is changing and young women are realizing their worth and are enabling themselves as potent and secure free spirits.

Here’s the original post that we opened discussion with.

And here is the latest :

I just feel that I need to feel more confident about my decisions and being comfortable making decisions. Currently after I’ve made up my mind to stay with my bf and go with the flow, someone who I was interested in in the past couple of years re-surfaced ( he has this funny way of coming up every couple of months). Now I feel somewhat confused about my decision about my bf and my heart and my mind are confused again.

And I replied:

Life is full of confusing situations, it’s all for your development.  You’ve just come of age, don’t rush things.  The whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing is a highly inflated subject.  What’s wrong with just having friends?  How can you give yourself completely to someone if you don’t really know who you are yet?  These are my thoughts rambling away.

At this moment, I want to say that life is a smorgasbord.  Sample this and taste that and enjoy the prospects.  You’ll know when the right one shows up.  If you really want to stick with the boyfriend you have, then do it until it doesn’t work anymore.

Isn’t it delightful that you made a choice and then another possibility came along?  Does it mean the first choice you made was wrong?  Does it mean that all your choices have to be set in stone?  You don’t want to be a fickle girl by any means, but allow yourself some freedom, embarrassments, mistakes, and achievements.

You’re okay!  Have you been doing any meditation practice?  I want to encourage you to that.  Some people call it praying, some meditating, some alone time.  It should be a soft and comfortable time where you allow yourself to find what makes you giggle.  Find what makes that thrill come up in your chest and tremble into your throat.  Try some different subjects other than boys.  What do you enjoy doing?

If you do what you enjoy, then there is a good chance that the friends you find there will be compatible with you.

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Energize me

By Diana Neff | Published: August 16, 2010

I’m confused, irritated, bothered, struggling, and anxious.

Now turn all those around.  I’m clear thinking, easy going, in control, strong, and calm.  That’s better.

These are what I truly am after all and that is why it bothers me so when the opposite words seem to apply.  They just aren’t me and feeling that maybe they do apply makes me feel even more yukko.

How many of us believe we are the awful emotions that emerge when we are stewing in our own crock?  My sister once told me that she appreciated being out and around people because they allowed her to be the real her.  I’ve always liked that thought.  The person we are when we are sharing our best with others is who we really want to be, who we are meant to be, and who we really, really are.

The negative attributes are merely the lack of the positive attributes.

Clear thinking – lack of clear thinking (confused)
Easy going – lack of easy going (irritated)
In control – not in control (bothered)
Strong – not strong (struggling)
Calm – not calm (anxious)

I may not have gotten all the opposites just right, but I think you can get my drift.  We are all some form of the positive attribute and function at some degree on the scale of each.  We would like to function at 100 %, of course, at least I would, but it gets just too darn hard to find the energy to do so.  Then we may feel that the lack of the attribute is the true way we are.

If we can find just the right way of filling our energy cup so that we have plenty to be at the top of our game, we will be quite pleased with ourselves.  What is a good way of accomplishing this?  One term that we know and use is prayer.  Prayer seems to have become more associated with a begging or wishing-for mind set, as if it is out of our hands, while others terms are more proactive or action-ary.   I know these terms are becoming more globally known — clearing, protecting, grounding, meditating…

Find your way of filling your energy cup each day, or even multiple times a day if you live in a difficult environment.  The first one I jump on is deep breathing and drawing energy up through my feet into my body and allowing it to flow out of my chest/heart area.  This works very well.  Remember when Mom used to say, “Count to ten?” – Basically the right way to go.  There is another quick fix/fill-up as well.

Emotional Freedom Technique – EFT tapping is a great method.  While you tap on acupressure points, you are opening your energy meridians.  Too, after having done it to the point of habit, you know this tapping to preempt a feeling of calmness, so it acts as your trigger.  If someone else does the tapping for you, you feel loved and energized from this exchange.  EFT is very powerful.

Aspiring to be the best us we can be is not such a struggle if we learn a few little ways of bumping our energy, filling ourselves with love, and allowing greater possibilities of success.

Fotki photo credit: Glamurka

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It’s never written in stone anyway!

By Diana Neff | Published: August 11, 2010

I just found the funniest site with Fortune Telling cartoons.  Click here. I love the one that says, “Your crystal ball has holes in it.”  “When business is bad, I give bowling lessons.”  What a hoot!

The following is a predicament one of my clients finds herself in after having had a future-telling psychic reading done.  She has allowed me to share it here.  I do hope it will serve you well and that it doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.  There is always something to be said for moderation in all things.

Here’s what she wrote:

A previous reading I received said that I will walk away from my boyfriend. So now I feel like I can’t get this thought out of my mind.  In my mind I’m thinking if that is the case – what is the point of trying with him now? But in reality I don’t want to walk away, I want to try and see what happens. I’m just having the hardest time letting go of that prediction and enjoying what I have right now and going with the flow.

You have made the right decision.  You are making your choice and now want to protect that choice.  This is exactly why it may not be a great idea to get future readings from psychics.  I think “outlooks of present situations” is a good way to go, but to have someone tell you what is coming can lead to confusion and then you are not able to follow your own intuition and heart.  I only look at the Tarot cards as leads into what I should be thinking about, areas of my life that need my focus.

Many people think knowing the future helps and they search for that information with all their might rather than allowing themselves to “feel” what is right.

Even if you do walk away at some point down the road, you still will have had experiences that you may be needing as part of your life lesson now.  You may meet people, do things, or have thoughts that you have never met, done, or thought before and wouldn’t because you quit before it was time.

I just saw this clip on Youtube.  A bit depressing, but something of the truth.  Even if the future telling isn’t true, can it come true by our expecting it to?


My suggestion is that you get about the business of living your life one moment at a time, planning for the future, and enjoying every breath you take.  Really!  It’s never written in stone!  Let future-telling psychics go, at least for a time.

Posted in Energy Work, Life Modeling | 1 Comment

Is it really greener on the other side of the fence?

By Diana Neff | Published: August 10, 2010

This is where I want to be.Is it always better in the future?  You know, I remember a while back thinking that 17 year olds are like 7 year olds. They want to have all the privileges of being treated older, but don’t want to give up parental pamperings. 14′s are like 4′s, once again they realize they are not the center of the universe and go about being oppositional to get the attention they deserve. It’s their form of temper tantrum.

I fortunately missed out on both of those tribulations with my biological children. I think it is because we home educated and I talked with them all the time. They trusted me completely. We still face clutter and chores done late, but they know how to cook, sew, do laundry,clean house, mow the lawn, and change the air conditioner filter. There’s far more, but those are the basics, right?

With our adopted children, however, it’s been a long haul to that trust stage. Even though we home educate, they still remember portions of their life in Russia and also see things on television that they think they want. I have problems convincing them that they don’t have to find out the hard way. The twins are watching their almost 15 year old older brother (they are a sibling group of three) as he stumbles along with choices. Fortunately, they don’t want the results he’s getting. I’m hoping he will calm down and see the life benefits of being loved and given strict rules.

Yes, 13′s are like 3′s. “Look, I’m 3, count my fingers!” “Yea! I’m 13. Finally. Now I get to…” Does anyone remember why it was that we couldn’t wait to get older? What is it we get to do? Make our own decisions. Yes, how easy is that? Buy our own things. With what money? Get a job. Are we all doing what we dreamed of?

The twins took a middle school course online. I worked through it with them. Critical Thinking. The course was a repeat of all that I’ve taught them anyway, but it was good to have the reinforcement. The one thing that rang out above all others was the part about living in the moment. All through their lives, most people think about when they will get to the next point. Starting in childhood. I think it comes with wanting what others have. Bigger brother/sister, mother/father, get to do things we don’t get to do.

healing children at playThe biggest thing around here is television. My husband has little self-control when it comes to what he watches when the kids are in the room. On the other hand, I never watched anything I didn’t want my two oldest to see. When they were about 8 and 10, we watched Northern Exposure together; that was the only adult show. I did not watch PG-13 or R rated movies. As they got older, we moved into the PG-13′s and now they watch the R’s. I like to have time with my older boys and will watch a movie with them on occasion. This, of course, makes a to-do with our younger ones. They just can’t wait until they’re 13! Well, I’ve been telling them all along, just because the Motion Picture Association of America thinks it’s okay for 13 year olds to be watching people sleep together and blood pooling under bodies or listening to foul language as if that’s the new way of carrying on a conversation, doesn’t mean I do! Well, not in those words, but pretty close.

We can’t afford cable right now, so there is no regular TV. We do watch some on Hulu, only ones Mommy gives the nod to, and we are paying for Netflix. That’s a pretty good deal when there are four computers and a couple of game systems that can run movies and shows all at the same time. Of course, this is our only entertainment and 10 bucks a month I can live with.

Oops, got carried away there. That’s part of the 55 year old thing. I think it reverts back to the talkative 5′s. LOL.

Can I say I’m enjoying where I am and living in the moment?  I surely know it’s never greener on the other side!

Fotki image credit:  photosues – jumping boy

Posted in All Things My Children, Home Schooling | Leave a comment

Today’s addition to the Q&A’s

By Diana Neff | Published: July 27, 2010

The following question and answer can be applied to all the healing modalities and the myriad of “Reiki’s” that have been developed by individuals.  In my humble opinion, all energy is the same and we can increase it’s viability by agreeing on the use and outcome of it’s use.

‘For where there are two or three gathered together — to my name, there am I in the midst of them.’  Matthew 18:20  Young’s Literal Translation

That isn’t to say we should manipulate the energy into doing exactly what we want if it isn’t for our highest benefit.  I believe in remaining humble, grateful, and open to what is best for me.  If I need money to pay bills or the doctor and to buy food, I need to find out why I don’t have enough and work on applying energy to that area of my life.  That is, “I need help being a good employee,” or, “I need help with my self-confidence while I’m self-employed.”  I need to focus on what I can do and do with my best intentions.

This will bring the abundance we hope for.

________________________________________________________

Hello,
Do you give Money Reiki Healings?
Thanks

________________________________________________________

Hello,

I give Distance energy sessions that use elements from Reiki as well as other modalities. This is a session where you receive energy from the universe and I am acting as a booster of sorts by allowing additional energy to flow through me to you. This benefits you in whatever way the energy sees is best for you, whatever way your Higher Self/Spirit knows is best for you.

I will not/cannot manipulate the energy into doing anything that is not for your highest good.

If you were to ask for assistance with financial issues, I could focus on sending healing energy to whatever it is that is blocking your ability to support yourself. Then I will let you know if any images come to me that might suggest answers or bring up things you may not be aware of.

Please let me know if I can help.

Love and gratitude,
Diana

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Amazing Grace

By Diana Neff | Published: July 26, 2010

I adore “Amazing Grace” and have used it over the years as a comfort, a release for emotion, as a lullaby for my babies. This and “Rock of Ages” have long been melodies that I depend on when I feel a hum coming on; ever since childhood when my mother would sing them.  She had a very tense life, becoming a mom at eighteen, three kids by 24 and living through tough times for years.  She overcame her trials, including agoraphobia and undiagnosed lupus (long called a hypochondriac) and a lack of education.  She took the GED classes and test when I was in 7th grade and progressed from there on to a Bachelor’s in English Literature (all classes taken while we were in school – never left home alone) and became a high school teacher. These songs got her through as, I am sure, they have many, many of those whose souls are exposed to negative energy.

A client and new friend, thank you Crystal, has sent this video link to me and I was pleasantly surprised that she would think of me in this regard. We have not discussed music before now.

The pentatonic scale is a scale of five tones used in African, Far Eastern, and Native American music.  A thought just flew in…humming sounds, the om’s and hu’s used for meditation, actually massages the thymus and thyroid glands. This is relaxing. I wonder what role the pentatonic scale plays in the notes that we each choose for our healing humming?  There’s a power in the stride between them and a fulfillment in the feel of five notes.

Isn’t it amazing – the grace we receive when it is most needed? Something as simple as a melody raises our spirits and relieves our souls; allowing us to feel love and comfort; bringing us closer to creator God who is truly within us.

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Should we delve into 2012?

By Diana Neff | Published: July 24, 2010

And so, more common questioning from our mass consciousness.  Fear of catastrophe.  Survival instincts.  Awareness of our frailties.   Grasping for structure.  While we want to know the future, we also want to know we can change it.  How is it we demand such concreteness, yet work so hard at knocking it down?  If we knew the world was coming to an end within moments, would we sit down and hug each other, or would we begin a frantic dash at trying to change that outcome?  I don’t know what the correct answer is…there isn’t one.  All is and will be, just as it always has been, and we are constantly hoping to find out how we fit into that picture.

This is a recent conversation with another friend and client; used with permission.

Hello again Diana,

I hope you remember me from a couple of weeks ago. I just want to let you know that the healing energy session that you did for me worked very well. I don’t feel depressed like I did before you did it, but I do still have concerns and worries. I am glad just to be feeling happier though!

There is another reason for my e-mail, I was wondering if I could get your input on something. It’s something that has bothered me for a while and I’m trying to figure out if there is any meaning to it. It’s about a dream that I have, actually 2 dreams that I have over and over and it really scares me. I have a dream that a wall of water is coming towards me and my family, a huge tidal wave, and in my dream I am just standing there looking at this water coming at me. I had this dream last week and this time it scared me more than it ever has before. This time in my dream I looked out my window and saw this tidal wave, about 1,000 feet tall coming towards my house and I was frantically trying to find my kids’ arm floats that they use for swimming and I told my husband that at least the kids might have a chance if we could get their arm floats on. I couldn’t find them so I called all 3 of my kids to me and told them that if I never saw them again, I wanted them to know that I loved them very much and I was crying. My daughter looked at me and said okay and she was crying. I woke up after that and was sweating and scared to death and I couldn’t go back to sleep after that.

The second dream I have is about a meteor hitting the earth or something like that. All I see in the dream is a fireball shooting through that sky.

Both of these dreams that I have scare me to no end, and I am worried that I have these dreams because it’s really going to happen. I have also seen many things on TV about the year 2012 and the world ending in December of 2012.

Can I get your input about this, if you can give me any input. Is there a reason I have these dreams? Do you have any clue as to what may happen in 2012? I’ve heard too that there is just going to be more of a “Spiritual Awakening” in 2012, not the end of the world. There is nothing else that scares me more than thinking about something happening in 2012 and my kids going through some kind of catastrophe, and me having to see the looks on their faces and there won’t be anything I can do. That goes through my head and I hate it.

I just watched the movie “2012″ and now I can’t sleep and it made me think about the dreams I have. Is there anything that you can tell me, about the dreams or the year 2012? Do I have these dreams because it is my fear?

I’m sorry to be asking you this stuff, but I thought you might be able to help me since you helped me before. This has bothered me for a long time, I’ve had these dreams for a long time now and I never knew who to ask about them. Thank you so much, talking to you before brought me comfort!

Sincerely,
Leslie Canby

____________________

Hello Leslie,

Remember the breathing exercises, Leslie!  The more you study about energy work, the better.  You must find your own truth(s).  My truth is that I don’t know what is coming, but I am comfortable knowing that I am energy and that is never going to go away.  I will move on to be where I am supposed to be.  My children are not small any more (I still panic when the thought of losing them comes to mind), so I don’t have the anxieties you are still going through.  I was just like you, though, fearful that I would not be able to keep them from whatever disaster could befall them.

The wall of water and the meteor collision are out of the movies.  You know that.  You need to fill yourself with beauty and love and keep your mind focused on the present.  If any catastrophe were to come, you would do exactly the right thing because you are a caring and loving mother.  You will know what you should do.

There are so many books to read about what comes after this existence.  There are so many people who have been there and come back.  On my website, I recommend Dannion Brinkley and Ian Stevenson, M.D. (reference on Stevenson) for this information.  Very easy to read both of these men.

I also recommend you read Judith Orloff, M.D. for a sensible and comforting look at life and energy.

I think you are just suffering from young mothers’ anxiety.  You don’t feel safe and you translate that to your children not being safe.  They are; you keep them that way every hour of the day.  I can still recall that tight feeling when horrid thoughts and suppositions would come to mind when my children were babies.  Breathe!

How is anyone to know what is coming, it’s always changing.  I imagine looking down on the earth, or the universe, and seeing it morphing into an infinite number of futures because we each have the free will to make choices.  Only the creator can tell the ends of each of those, not us.  We can look at our present and come up with a few scenarios and worry over them, or we can get to work changing out outlook and our vibration and feel the love.

I read recently that the indigenous people of South America think those who believe the world is ending because of the Mayan calendar are absolutely nutso.  Do your reading and make sure to read both sides of the story.  Then meditate on the information and see how you feel about it.    Here is a site I just stumbled on and will read later…you might like to check it out.

Love,
Diana

____________________

Diana,

Thanks again for your comforting words! I have always been the type of person that wants to know things now, this second, I’ve always had a rough time making decisions because I’m afraid to make the wrong ones, and I have had a fear of dying since I was 7 years old. I had my tonsils when I was 7 and my stitches came out and I hemorrhaged and lost a lot of blood. I remember hearing the doctor tell my parents that if they didn’t give me blood I would die from blood loss. After that my parents had a very tough time with me because I was so scared of dying. I didn’t sleep at night, I didn’t want to be in a dark room and I didn’t want to be by myself at any time. I would cry a lot and ask my mom questions about life and why we’re here. The one question I remember asking her was, “Mom, after you die and are buried, how are people 20 years later supposed to know that you ever existed?” I remember she didn’t know what to say. My grandmother started coming over to my house before bedtime and reading a children’s Bible with me and that helped some. I was raised in a family that believed that God loved you wether you went to church or not so I guess we weren’t the most religous family. Anyway, I still find myself asking the same questions that I used to wonder about when I was a kid. It bugs me that I don’t have the answers. When I have a question, I’m not happy unless I get the answer right then.

The dreams I have scare me because I have them often. I have another dream too, one about aliens, and these 3 dreams I have at least once a month. I guess it scares me because I have them so frequently, so I wondering if they were, well, premonitions I guess.

Well, I’ve rambled on enough and the kids are asking for a snack so I guess I better get off of here.  Thanks again for everything and I’ll look into the information that you gave me.

Sincerely,

Leslie Canby

____________________

Leslie,

I think you are asking questions and then the dreams are coming, not the other way around.  I met a little girl once who was the most dear little thing.  She was shy and quiet and her dad had to sit with her every night because she didn’t want to fall asleep.  She thought she wasn’t going to wake up.  It seems there is no comfort for that.  She loved and trusted her father, but she just couldn’t get past the fear.  I lost track of them and now wish that I could know how it has gone for her.

Please do read Dannion Brinkley.  He has died more than once and has worked with Hospice for many years.  He helps people come to grips with dieing and you may find some answers and solace in what he has to say.  I got his books from the library.

It’s thanks to people like you that we have so many answers in our world today.  While the exact questions you are asking may not get answered, other questions will be and you need to know that questioning minds are necessary for our race to carry on.  Close your eyes, what do you feel?  Is it everything or is it nothing, or does it fluctuate between the two?  I think that is the definition of infinity – immeasurably both.

Lots of love,
Diana

____________________

Diana,

I haven’t had much time to do much of anything the last few days, but I did find a website that was created to debunk the rumors of 2012. It made me feel better. the website is www.2012hoax.org/ if you are interested. So i feel better about the whole 2012 thing.

Leslie

____________________

Thanks for the link, Leslie!  I got right into it and was swept away looking at the links tab.  Great stuff.

d

Flickr Creative Commons image credit:  tj.blackwell – Tsunami

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Protection is in your intention

By Diana Neff | Published: July 22, 2010

I’ve had questions come up recently and I think that, since we all participate in the mass consciousness, these questions are more than likely pertinent to many.  One is about protecting oneself from the negative actions and energy of others.  I asked permission to use Kathy’s email query here and hope you can benefit from our short conversation.

Diana,

Thank you for the lovely transcript. I can relate to many things that you covered. I have one question that I think may pertain to one of the imageries. How can I protect myself against negativity from a couple of people that I know?

Sincerely,
Kathy Rohe

Hi Kathy,

One of my mentors taught me a very simple method for protection.  It is like performing a grounding technique, all in the intention.

Each time we feel we are being bombarded, we will intend (imagine) a door into a safe, brick, building.  Having previously meditated and created this safe place, we just step inside.  We create our world while others are operating outside of us.  They create their worlds while we operate outside of them.  We can choose to be bothered, hampered, frustrated, or we can protect ourselves from these feelings and possibly intentional, negative thrusts from others.

We can protect ourselves first thing in the morning each day, but must remember to make sure to allow positive energy in.  We don’t want to be living in a bubble.

Simple, yet powerful…really!

Love and gratitude,
Diana

I like this method in that it keeps us from protecting ourselves with actions and words that may not be the best representation of ourselves that we would like. We may tend to get angry as a method of protection when all we might need to do is step inside our safe place and ride out the storm.

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Free activities keep my summer from being a bummer!

By Diana Neff | Published: July 9, 2010

Oh my goodness, life is full!  Not totally positive, but I’m gonna let that part go and say that it has been fun finding free things to do with my girls this summer.  We are still home schooling, they are taking two online classes at the moment; World Cultures and Critical Thinking.  That’s free.

We find books and DVD’s and Audio Books at the library for free!  We love listening to the Audio Books during meals and even while we do crafts.

Then the library has other activities going on too.  We are taking advantage of the Knitting Club/Class…for free…and the Signing class…for free…and we will be looking into the Activity times one of the branches has twice a month.

There are also one time programs that are put on.  We want to attend the “Be Kind to Animals” program.
I just made a cute pair of slippers after having learned to knit again.  They are called “Pocket Book Slippers”.  Here’s a photo and the url for you to get the pattern from if you happen to like knitting.  These are very easy and look just like a little pocketbook when you’re done sewing up the two sides.  The size is perfect for my short stubby foot and then stretches out to fit my girls’ long size 9 1/2 feet too without stretching too far and looking ugly.

I had the needles and the worsted already and they cooked up really fast!  The main site I found them at is called Knitting Pattern Central.

My oldest boys are off larping this weekend.  They are having a major battle over in Orlando and we may go see it on Sunday – free except for the gas.  They made their own chain mail by slicing 1″ pvc pipes into 1/8″ rings and then cutting a slit into each so they loop together.  The chest plates are made by cutting 50 gallon blue barrels into about 3″ x 4″ rectangles, rounding, drilling 8 holes in each and then lacing them together.  Yep, long process, but it’s the real thing as in how chain mail has always been made, just not out of plastic.  What a great experience for them.  No photos yet.

Middle son is learning the woodworking trade this summer spending days with his father.

The dogs are happy as can be inside in the air conditioning, as am I, I’ll tell ya.  We had a few days of overcast and rain, which was quite pleasant, but we’re back in the 90′s with high humidity (70+%) after the rains.

I’ve been having a grand time doing Distance Sessions.  It is a most fulfilling acitivity for me, especially as clients share back with me about the readings I provide along with the energy.  I am just as happily surprised as they are and love the positive feedback that results.

All that’s left for me to do is GET SOME EXERCISE!  Right?  Right.  right.

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Keep it simple…

By Diana Neff | Published: June 28, 2010

Well, I’ve not written in awhile and decided to do some rambling thoughts for you guys.  Here’s one.  Keep it simple.  Being a Baby Boomer, and in on the tail end of the Hippie era kind of puts me in the middle of nowhere; or in the middle of it all.  I did go through my own back to nature and simplistic ways movement.  This coincided with buying a house just before I turned 23 and working for $3.50 an hour.  One needs to know how to live very simply on that kind of money.  I was never late on a bill (didn’t have a phone for awhile) and paid back my parents the price of a new roof on my 700 sq. ft. home within a year.  Yes, I did have credit cards, for the simple reason that I wanted credit for emergencies.  I never charged more than I had in the bank and paid the bills before their due date.  No interest, no fees.

Once I had worked my way up to $7.43 an hour as the Graphics Coordinator of a small city called Pinellas Park, I was saving some money, buying a new, yellow, 4 speed Stang (not that the 80’s models were anything to be full of oneself over), and was able to “live”.

It seems I didn’t truly want to be alone at the time, even though I lived alone for five years.   Well, two of those years were spent between my house and my boyfriend’s place.  Then the inevitable happened, I suppose.  I asked him – probably more like begged him – to move in.  I had been maintaining most of his personal goings on anyway.  He was a well paid sailboat captain, gone a great deal and, even though he had a roommate in his rented home, I found myself having to do the lawn work (had to take my own mower over) and pay the odd bill here and there so he wouldn’t get evicted while out-of-town.  While he was in town, I would go get his laundry and take it to the laundromat (oh remember not to put the t-shirts through the drier because it ruins the screen printing on the fronts) I would make meals, clean the bathroom, and clean his room.

What, was I nuts!?  Yeah!  Sure was.  But life was simple and I was so happy loving and caring.  The sailing was enjoyable too.

I know a lot of Hippies became middle class Americans with jobs and kids and three bedroom homes with pools.  I watched a show about that.  But I wonder if the old slogan, “Make love, not war,” ever rings in their heads today.  Their idea was such a good one, what happened?  Love the earth, love others, love self, love children, love animals, love the universe…

Then we got married – seven years later that is.  Long story short, he finally asked me to marry him – two weeks before I found out I was pregnant.  Can you believe it, his friends thought that was the only reason we were getting married.  They seemed to know that my husband wouldn’t have asked me otherwise.  Low and behold, life became very difficult.  I was suddenly under the power of a person who had no steady income, no ability to ever finish a project, and liked to hang out with his party friends (I call them beer drinking yabbohs) more than me and our first born son.  I worked – as I had for the previous seven years – right along side him.  Lots of the time I worked while he stood partying with his buddies.  I was a strong, beast of a partner.  I had to develop that in my personality as well.  Oh the heartache of having to drag alcohol and pornography (the guys kept their pot very safe) out of my place of business.  We had begun a company together with my brother and his second wife.  They quit, (having the foresight) leaving us with a $15,000 loan to pay off.  I moved and stacked lumber, planed it, sold it, delivered it (very pregnant in an old farm truck – International, with a granny gear for first – had to kick that shifter into reverse) and did the bookkeeping.

I also took care of our little house single-handedly, inside and out, and raised and home schooled out two boys.  As soon as the infants could be in the dusty environment, they were there with me.  As a matter of fact, I remember planing wood in 102 degree heat while 8 months pregnant with my second while the 3 year old played by the door of our shop.  I remember stopping the work to go sit in my old van and nurse my three month old baby.  Then hop out and get right back to work.  Talk about having to be a controlling person.  Imagine raising your children around machinery and heavy stacks of lumber.

All of a sudden, Hippie and biker babe (my husband rode a Harley Police Special that he allowed to be stolen) seem far, far away.  Yes, here I am today, with the same situation.

How did that happened, you might wonder.  Why would I have stuck it out?  Christianity frowns on divorce.  I began working at being a Fundamentalist Christian.  And… my husband actually began working as a salesman for a high end woodworking company and I thought things had changed.  He still didn’t finish projects around the house (He starts plenty of them, but never finishes).  So, I thought I really wanted to give a go at having more children.  Sadly, I hadn’t had my first until I was 32, my second at 36, and here I was at 46, with a changed husband who was making a good living, and I was wanting to have girls and not raise them in a wood shop/lumber yard.

By the time the adoption process was coming to a close, my husband’s job was failing, and life returned to a frantic, unpaid bills, wish I wasn’t here, mess.  Only now I realize how much I’ve matured and how much more I understand about life.  The adoption is a huge story that isn’t what I want to go into right now.  Eight years later, though, I find that I have a lot of experience and know-how and can apply these when working with clients.

Did you ever stop to think about the qualifications of those who counsel?  They may have degrees, but that’s just book learning.  I remember a Social worker who was handling our post placement visits after the adoption.  He would share all the problems he was having with his biological teenage girls, not seeming to be able to figure out what to do with them.  I was very surprised that he would share like this when he was supposed to be the one who knew what to do about any problems we were having.  Anyway, my point is that no one is perfect (I work at being non-judgmental, knowing how easy it is to slip and fall) and I think that real life experiences beat out book read ones any day.  Yes, we should learn from the experience of others, but there is nothing wrong with living out some of our own experiences either.  It’s the path we’re meant to take.

Just as those who were Hippies became materialistic consumers; our lives morph too.  Life is simple sometimes, and complicated others.  No matter how hard I try to keep things simple, life can be very stupid and refuses to follow my lead.

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